Goodbye Gunsmoke, April 17, 2013

Well, folks, it’s been the most

Epic TV series of our lives,

Lasting nearly sixty years—

But today, the longest running show

In American television history

Saw its last cowboy sunset.

Yes, folks, Gunsmoke

Filmed its final episode

Today, number 1,980.

Oddly titled “Is Your Middle Name 
Really Maria?”—it airs eight o’clock Monday 

On the Columbia Broadcasting System.

We go now to our man, Bob Halfshort,

On the scene—Hollywood, California—

The studio set of Gunsmoke.

Bob, what can you tell us?

Well, Murray, it’s a sad, sad scene.

The grips—workers who “strike the scene,” 
If you will—(They are hired to take 
Down the scenery and props and put 
Away all the cables and stuff)—

Well, they're really busy and too choked
Up to talk right now. (And most of them

Don’t speak English, I think.)

Anyway, they’re too shook up,

Is what I think, Murray. However, I did

Find one “grip” willing to take a moment.

That’s fine, Bob. Let’s talk to him.

Okay, Murray. Here he is.

Wayne Funkelmeyer, a 33-year-old

Native of Muskegon Heights, Michigan,

Who moved to LA three years ago.

Wayne, you said the show

Was a sort of family tradition?

That’s right, Bob, and I can’t

Believe that this is it.

My grandfather, Grampa Silas,

He told me once just two days

Before he died—he died of acute liver disease,

Brought on by sixty years of heavy drinking—

He said he saw the very first episode.

My dad was real proud to say
His dad did that, and me and him 
Used to watch it, too,

Every Monday night. Wow.

This is heavy, dude. It’s like,

It’s in our blood. It’s a family thing

Watching Gunsmoke.

That’s nice, Wayne. Back to you, Murray.

Thanks, Bob. And I’m sure I speak for all

Our viewers when I say we know

How Wayne feels, don’t we, folks? 
I don’t mean to get too philosophical, 
But this is the end of an era, so to speak. 
(Whew, I sure don’t like to think

So deep too often!)

This just in, folks! Our man—I mean woman—

Johanna Hyman, has apparently just

Managed to corner the star of the show

In a West Hollywood karaoke bar, 
Is that right, Johanna?

Yes, that’s what I said, Murray. I’m here at Bonnie’s

Knee Jerk Chicken Shack, and James  Garner

Is not here, sorry to say. But I can remind everyone

That Garner took over the role of stoic
Marshal Matt Dillon with the death of longtime star, 
James Arness, who sadly passed in 2011.

So, you do not have the star of the show 
With you there, Johanna?

No, I don’t, Murray.

You, you told us you had the star of the show there

With you at—wait a sec, here it is—a place called,

Bonnie’s Knee Jerk Chicken Shack,

Apparently a karaoke bar.

That’s right, Murray. That’s what I said.

But you don’t have James Garner with you

There at Bonnie’s Knee Jerk Chicken Shack

In West Hollywood, is that correct, Johanna?

That’s correct, Murray. But I do have a signed

Fan photo of Vladziu Liberace, who played

The “halfbreed” blacksmith Quint Asper

Until he died in 1987 and they killed

His character off in the storyline.

You may remember that Burt Reynolds

Competed with Liberace for that role, Murray.

No, Johanna.  I don’t remember that.

Your loss, Murray.

Well, thank you, Johanna. That’s it

For now, folks, but we’ll keep you

Informed of more details as they arise.